After coming to college and joining the Music Club, not only did my anxiety and imposter syndrome increase, but a new insecurity began, my music taste.
The Beginning
The real deal is that I have no absolute pin point "yes-this-is-my-type-of-music" type. I don't think anyone has, really. I've always tried to conform myself into a type. I think around November 2022, I started listening to a lot of Joji. I genuinely like Joji, but constantly feel the need to sort of become Joji himself (not his youtube era obviously). I wanted to somehow be looked at and said, "Hey, do you listen to Joji by any chance?" (Guys I spent a lot of time listening to his music I should get some credit x"D) But later on my youtube music would play that one 2017 K-pop song and I'd find myself breaking character. And I'd hate myself for it. I guess this all began with discussions about music taste on group chats while we were on online mode. Being mainstream was considered to be cringe, and my people pleasing personality did not in any universe want to be termed that. I saw people who liked a specific genre, and their personality was made up of it too. I don't know where I stood. I thought I had K-pop with me, but that was considered major cringe. Thus began my search for an alter personality. I started to let go of K-pop. Something that had been very close to me in school. I barely told people that I listen to K-pop, because it would either be brushed off, or 'left-on-read'(true story). But I highly admire those who still kept up with it, despite well, college. I started to give into what others liked in music, exploring different songs and everything. After all, what I longed for was validation on what I like (as crazy as it sounds, yes). I longed for someone who liked what I listened to and I could sing it out loud with them. So I started to gain a little confidence in suggesting songs or playing what I listen to out loud.
The Experiment
I started playing my music out loud. I started suggesting songs, and posting stories on songs I like. When I started getting more into the rap scene, I found Jack Harlow's music good. He's a nice guy, and his music was mellowed down rap. I posted a story on What's Poppin (it was, and still sounds good) and got a few DMs on "ehh Jack Harlow? theres better people out there." (~anxiety time!~) I'm obsessed and LITERALLY obsessed with JVKE. I like his style of music. Golden Hour is one of my most favourite songs of all time. But suprisingly... I have not found a single person who likes that song. I played it out loud in my room once, and was asked to stop because it sounded very sad. I play and post my liked songs, but it somehow is met with some weird look or another. Now I realise that, its just not me who faces it. Have I given into someone else's music taste? Have I appreciated their likes? Or have I dismissed them, and karma biting my butt now? But I can't do that for everyone that I meet. Nor everyone I know. There will be people that I will not please but, there will definitely be someone out there, who likes it. Thank God for Skrillex releasing his new albums last year. I've heard so many people hating on EDM, but when I spoke to a couple of people about it, I had two people who absolutely loved it and it made me so glad.
The Resolution
Thus, I embark on a journey. To look and find new music, and put it out there that I like it. At the end of the day, I really can't please everyone and anyone. I should be able to like my own music, and be proud of it. Like the cbat guy. So if you like something, regardless of the outcome, hold it up high. (or thrus-)
My playlist,
https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLhZ4sOJYV_tR1H2e2Sjhh50tDpWLMiY-Z&feature=share